


If something's wrong, you can count on me

by SlarStarsFanFics



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Additional Tags to Be Added, Chapter one is all hurt, Gen, Good Sibling Diego Hargreeves, Good Sibling Luther Hargreeves, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Isolation, Isolation Fucks You Up, Luther Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Moon Letters, No Spoilers, Past Child Abuse, Poet Luther Hargreeves, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Sad Luther Hargreeves, a fix-it of sorts, damn Daniel back at it again with the hurt/comfort fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25926010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlarStarsFanFics/pseuds/SlarStarsFanFics
Summary: There was one room, however, that Luther refused to go in. The sitting room. Diego grumbled, but he folded to clean it out.He was pulling out the carpets when he saw it. Some sort of latch in the floorboards.-Diego finds some things that Luther would probably prefer he didn’t.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves & Dr. Pogo
Comments: 40
Kudos: 224





	1. I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat

**Author's Note:**

> Based entirely off of this prompt
> 
> I’ve written something really similar to this but whatever :/
> 
> Mind the warnings. Fic and chapter titles are from “Two” by Sleeping At Last

They **finally** did it. The timeline was fixed, there was no impending Apocalypse, they were all together. For once they’d succeeded. Allison was in L.A. with her daughter, Vanya had control over her powers and was back in her orchestra, Ben was **_alive_ **! All of the guys were staying in the Manor still. They had nowhere else to go. So they stayed, nursing their wounds and heartbreaks, together. 

They had decided to renovate the house. But before any of that could happen, they had to pull all of their father’s nic-nac’s out. It had taken months, but they were almost finished. There was one room, however, that Luther refused to go in. The sitting room. Diego grumbled, but he folded to clean it out. 

He was pulling out the carpets when he saw it. Some sort of latch in the floorboards. He tugged on it till it gave. And low and behold, the reason Luther didn’t want this room. The moon packages. 

He pulled one out. Words scrawled out in the front seat, almost taunting him. _To: Dad, From: Luther. Contents: New poem inspired by comet. Reminder: PLEASE SEND MORE FOOD!”_

Diego could feel the wheels in his head turning as he ripped the package open and dumped out the contents. Containers filled with rocks hit the ground, along with two slips of paper. He scrambled to grab them. He tucked the poem into his pocket to read later. (That was HUGE blackmail material) and started to read the note.

* * *

_Hi Dad,_

_Sorry for the reminder on the front. I wasn’t sure if you were reading these letters. I’ve rationed everything, but there’s not a lot of food left up here. Do you need me to do something?_ _Is it a test_ _? ~~Well if it was a test, you probably wouldn’t tell me. Sorry.~~ _

_If Mom is reading this, hi! I hope you liked the poem I wrote for you! Love you_

_Anyways, I hope you find this batch of research to be helpful._

_L.H._

* * *

Diego felt his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. He pulled more packages out and read the notes. 

~~_Hey dad, hope this is helpful_ ~~

~~_There’s no one else up here, right? I’ve been hearing people talking_ ~~

~~_My Umbrella Tree is growing well_ ~~

~~_How was Allison’s last movie? Has she called at all? I can’t believe I have a niece_ ~~

~~_Diego hasn’t gotten himself killed yet, right? Did you send him my letter?_ ~~

~~_Coldwater cleans blood, right? It’s not important why don’t worry about me_ ~~

~~_I feel tired all of the time. Is that due to the lack of gravity?_ ~~

~~_Could I get some surgical thread?_ ~~

~~_Foods running out_ ~~

~~_Dad, please send more food and water_ ~~

~~_Are you getting these?_ ~~

Diego choked out a sob. Did Mom ever get to read that poem? He sent him a letter? Why did he need surgical thread? Why did he ask how to clean up blood? he got auditory hallucinations? Dad was such an **_asshole_ **that he didn’t send Luther more food? He saw the front of the packages, he must have! Oh, Reginald was lucky he was dead or else Diego would- 

He punched the floor and fell back. His _brother_ was suffering, **_alone_ **for four years! None of them had known, and the only person who could have ignored him. 

_Fuck you fuck you fuck you_

And Luther had never said anything! All the time they had been together as a family, and he never brought it up. No wonder he was such a paranoid bastard when he got back. 

Diego kept digging until he found the letter addressed to him. He didn’t know how long he stared at it before he opened it. He released the breath he forgot he was holding and unfolded the paper. 

* * *

  
  


_Hey Diego,_

_I wouldn’t blame you if you just ripped this up and threw it away, but hear me out._ ~~_Though I guess I can’t stop you, especially if you threw it away before opening it_ ~~

_I’ve done a lot of thinking up here. We’ve been terrible to each other. We have been for years. Whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry for my part in it. I don’t want us to be enemies, but I understand if you still hate me._

_I just miss you. I miss all of you. We were close when we were little, remember? We’d have sleepovers and play together, I miss that. It seems stupid. Sorry._

_I hope you’re doing well. Mom mentioned you had a girlfriend before I left, I just hope she can put up with your bullshit._

_I love you brother. I know it doesn’t seem that way, but I do._

_L.H._

* * *

  
  



	2. I just want to love you well

Diego laid on the hardwood, unaware of how long he’d been in that room and how long he’d been crying for. The sobs had turned into silent tears running down his face. He was surrounded by wrecked packages and the letters of a hurting man. A man, who just happened to be his brother, who was completely _alone_ when he was at his absolute worst. 

Man this was rich. Crying over the brother that he used to pretend to hate. The one he fought. The one he made fun of. And turns out the things he had made fun of him for had caused him to consider **_offing himself._ **

**_Fuck._ **

He had gotten nothing done. He was supposed to be cleaning this room out. He didn’t want to anymore. 

He wanted to do a lot of things. He wanted to resurrect his father and kill him again, slowly and painfully. He wanted to go hug his brother and tell him everything was going to be okay. He wanted to lay on the floor and space out for a few more hours. But he did not want to clean the room out. 

So eventually, he stood up and walked out. Diego wandered around the halls for a while, almost in a haze. Eventually, he bumped into his youngest brother. 

“Hey! Are you okay?” 

Ben always had been pretty observant, but after he had died and was forced to watch everything without joining in, he was even more so. 

“Yeah… it’s just that-“ Diego started fazing out again. 

A hand was in his shoulder. He snapped back to attention. 

“Diego, what’s going on?”

“Do you know where Luther is?” He said, trying to come off nonchalant. 

Ben looked kinda weirded out, but he answered anyway. 

“I’m pretty sure Klaus forced him to go get take-out with him. Why?” 

Damnit, Ben looked so concerned. Diego was never able to lie to him, but this was a sensitive subject. He let out a sigh.

“I found something. I need to ask him about it, It’s kinda private-“

“And you can’t tell me,” Ben finished, with a small smile, “it’s fine, I get it. They should be back soon.” 

“Thanks buddy.” Diego said. He made sure to leave a lingering hand on his baby brother’s cheek before walking away.

* * *

_Hi Pogo,_

_I’m worried. That’s a terrible way to start this, I know. I keep hearing things, mostly voices. ~~Sometimes I think I hear Ben.~~ _ ~~_I think he’s making sure that I don’t forget what I caused_ _._ ~~

_Please don’t tell Mom and Dad. I don’t want Mom to worry and you know how Dad gets. The thing is, I need your advice Pogo. How do I make them stop?_

_Take care,_

_L.H._

* * *

Dinner was an awkward affair. Diego had wanted to corner Luther before they ate but with the chaos that ensued with forcing Five to eat downstairs and cleaning off the crap on the table, he didn’t get the chance. He was sure Luther noticed the glances he kept shooting him over the Honey Garlic Chicken. At one point they made direct eye contact, and the smile that lit up his brother’s face did it’s damndest to glue Diego’s heart back together. 

Turns out Diego wouldn't need to catch Luther alone, because the blonde behemoth dragged him away at the nearest possible moment. 

They ended up in the basement, in the beanbag chairs they had replaced the uncomfortable leather chairs that used to be there with. 

“What’s going on? We haven’t seen you since this morning and you were acting really weird at supper.”

Diego didn’t respond right away. He had to admit, he hadn’t planned this far ahead. And the worry and _love_ that was plastered all over Luther’s face weighed on his heart. He almost yearned for the time when he didn’t have to worry about Luther, back when they didn’t have contact and things were simpler. But no, he didn’t miss those years. He wouldn’t have admitted it then, but he had missed his older brother, he had missed his whole family. 

Luther was still looking at him, expectantly. 

“I um…” He took a deep breath and started again, “I found those packages you sent… the research?”

All the tenseness that Luther had carried for the first 29 years of his life came back in an instant and then as quick as it came it was gone. 

“I was worried about that.”

“What, that I’d find them or that I’d open them?”

“Both.” 

They sat, kind of uncomfortable. 

“Did you uh-“ Luther gestured vaguely.

“Yeah. I read them.”

“Well that explains the looks at dinner.” Luther mumbled, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. 

“Yeah,” Diego forced himself to make eye contact, “Are you okay man? Some of the stuff in there… it was-“

“Yeah, I know. I’m fine, it was a while ago, and it wasn’t that bad.”

“No. I read it, that stuff isn’t something you just bounce back from. You were talking about hearing voices and shit. Hell, Reginald didn’t even send you **food**! And what did you need surgical thread for? Why were you talking about cleaning up blood?” 

Luther just stared at the floor. His eyes looked… vacant. 

“L-“ Diego took a deep breath, then started again. “Luther. Please.”

A guilty look flashed over the other man’s face as he realized that his brother’s stutter had come back again. Because of him. 

“It’s not important.” He finally choked out through gritted teeth. 

“It is to me. After reading all of those… I- I wouldn’t b- I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t make sure,” his breath caught a little as he tried to get his words out, “make sure that you were okay.”

“I don’t know how to respond to that Diego.” Luther sighed.

“I just need you to tell me if you still feel like that.”

Luther went quiet again. No tears, no anger, his face just held that deep misery that it had since they were teenagers. He had carefully covered it up as a child, hid it behind careful and encouraging smiles. But it came and stayed on the Christmas of 2006. Ben’s death has broken them all, but Luther had taken all of the blame. And they had let him. Ever since then the stern, yet cheerful leader of The Umbrella Academy was gone, completely overtaken by grief and loneliness. Diego hadn’t been there for the worst of it apparently, something he presumed he’d regret forever. 

“Sometimes.”

Diego stared at him, shocked. 

“Sometimes, I still hear things. They’re quieter now, but they're still there. Only when I’m alone. And sometimes I still try to fix what dad did. It’s never worked but sometimes I just hope. That’s the surgical thread.”

Diego had seen the scars before. He wasn’t sure why he had never put it together before. 

“Oh.”

“I was careful.”

_Yeah and that’s why you asked how to clean up blood._ Diego thought, but didn’t say. It wouldn’t help. 

“Okay.” 

“We should probably go help clean up… make sure they didn’t destroy the kitchen.” Luther said, shifting uncomfortably. 

“Okay.” 

Luther stood to go but Diego grabbed his wrist.

“Just… next time tell me, okay? I know I’m an asshole, but I’d like to think I’m not that big of a dick that you think you can’t talk to me. I won’t judge, promise, I’m just worried.”

Luther smiled a bit. “You’re worried about me.”

“Yeah.”

The smile spread into a grin. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

* * *

**1/12/15**

_The stars speak to me;_

_They’re cruel and awful,_

_And yet they’re right_

_They tell me things others are too kind too_

~~_Disgusting and abhorrent_ ~~

~~_You deserve to bleed bleed_ ~~

~~_B l e e d_ ~~

* * *

**23/12/17**

  * _2_



_I’m not a good brother_

_You tell me all the time_

_That you could do better_

_I believe you now_

~~_The stars agree with you_ ~~

~~_What you said about Ben_ ~~

~~_My fault_ ~~

~~_I’m a terrible brother_ ~~

* * *

  
**_15/12/?_ **

_You drown out the stars_

_As well as their barbs_

_I’ve missed you brother_


End file.
